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Richard Harris Barham (1788–1845)
THE
JACKDAW sat on the Cardinal’s chair! Bishop
and abbot and prior were there; Many
a monk, and many a friar, Many
a knight, and many a squire, With
a great many more of lesser degree,— In
sooth, a goodly company; And
they serv’d the Lord Primate on bended knee. Never,
I ween, Was
a prouder seen, Read
of in books, or dreamt of in dreams, Than
the Cardinal Lord Archbishop of Rheims! In
and out Through
the motley rout, That
little Jackdaw kept hopping about; Here
and there Like
a dog in a fair, Over
comfits and cates, And
dishes and plates, Cowl
and cope, and rochet and pall, Mitre
and crosier! he hopp’d upon all! With
a saucy air, He
perch’d on the chair Where,
in state, the great Lord Cardinal sat, In
the great Lord Cardinal’s great red hat; And
he peer’d in the face Of
his Lordship’s Grace, With
a satisfied look, as if he would say, “We
two are the greatest folks here to-day!” And
the priests, with awe, As
such freaks they saw, Said,
“The Devil must be in that little Jackdaw!” The
feast was over, the board was clear’d, The
flawns and the custards had all disappear’d, And
six little Singing-boys,—dear little souls! In
nice clean faces, and nice white stoles, Came
in order due, Two
by two, Marching
that grand refectory through. A
nice little boy held a golden ewer, Emboss’d
and fill’d with water, as pure As
any that flows between Rheims and Namur, Which
a nice little boy stood ready to catch In
a fine golden hand-basin made to match. Two
nice little boys, rather more grown, Carried
lavender-water and eau-de-Cologne; And
a nice little boy had a nice cake of soap, Worthy
of washing the hands of the Pope. One
little boy more A
napkin bore, Of
the best white diaper, fringed with pink, And
a Cardinal’s hat mark’d in “permanent ink.” The
great Lord Cardinal turns at the sight Of
these nice little boys dress’d all in white: From
his finger he draws His
costly turquoise; And,
not thinking at all about little Jackdaws, Deposits
it straight By
the side of his plate, While
the nice little boys on his Eminence wait; Till,
when nobody’s dreaming of any such thing, That
little Jackdaw hops off with the ring! There
’s a cry and a shout, And
a deuce of a rout, And
nobody seems to know what they ’re about, But
the monks have their pockets all turn’d inside out; The
friars are kneeling, And
hunting, and feeling The
carpet, the floor, and the walls, and the ceiling. The
Cardinal drew Off
each plum-color’d shoe, And
left his red stockings expos’d to the view: He
peeps, and he feels In
the toes and the heels; They
turn up the dishes,—they turn up the plates,— They
take up the poker and poke out the grates, —They
turn up the rugs, They
examine the mugs: But
no!—no such thing; They
can’t find THE RING! And
the Abbot declar’d that, “when nobody twigg’d it, Some
rascal or other had popp’d in and prigg’d it!” The
Cardinal rose with a dignified look, He
call’d for his candle, his bell, and his book: In
holy anger, and pious grief, He
solemnly curs’d that rascally thief! He
curs’d him at board, he curs’d him in bed, From
the sole of his foot to the crown of his head! He
curs’d him in sleeping, that every night He
should dream of the devil, and wake in a fright; He
curs’d him in eating, he curs’d him in drinking, He
curs’d him in coughing, in sneezing, in winking; He
curs’d him in sitting, in standing, in lying; He
curs’d him in walking, in riding, in flying; He
curs’d him in living, he curs’d him in dying! Never
was heard such a terrible curse! But
what gave rise To
no little surprise, Nobody
seem’d one penny the worse! The
day was gone, The
night came on, The
monks and the friars they search’d till dawn; When
the sacristan saw, On
crumpled claw, Come
limping a poor little lame Jackdaw. No
longer gay, As
on yesterday; His
feathers all seem’d to be turn’d the wrong way; His
pinions droop’d—he could hardly stand, His
head was as bald as the palm of your hand; His
eye so dim, So
wasted each limb, That,
heedless of grammar, they all cried, “THAT
’S HIM! That
’s the scamp that has done this scandalous thing! That
’s the thief that has got my Lord Cardinal’s Ring!” The
poor little Jackdaw, When
the monks he saw, Feebly
gave vent to the ghost of a caw; And
turn’d his bald head, as much as to say, “Pray,
be so good as to walk this way!” Slower
and slower He
limp’d on before, Till
they came to the back of the belfry-door, Where
the first thing they saw, Midst
the sticks and the straw, Was
the RING, in the nest of that little
Jackdaw. Then
the great Lord Cardinal call’d for his book, And
off that terrible curse he took; The
mute expression Serv’d
in lieu of confession, And,
being thus coupled with full restitution, The
Jackdaw got plenary absolution! —When
those words were heard, That
poor little bird Was
so changed in a moment, ’t was really absurd. He
grew sleek and fat; In
addition to that, A
fresh crop of feathers came thick as a mat. His
tail waggled more Even
than before; But
no longer it wagg’d with an impudent air, No
longer he perch’d on the Cardinal’s chair. He
hopp’d now about With
a gait devout; At
matins, at vespers, he never was out; And,
so far from any more pilfering deeds, He
always seem’d telling the Confessor’s beads. If
any one lied, or if any one swore, Or
slumber’d in pray’r-time and happen’d to snore, That
good Jackdaw Would
give a great “Caw!” As
much as to say, “Don’t do so any more!” While
many remark’d, as his manners they saw, That
they “never had known such a pious Jackdaw!” He
long liv’d the pride Of
that country side, And
at last in the odor of sanctity died; When,
as words were too faint His
merits to paint, The
Conclave determin’d to make him a Saint; And
on newly-made Saints and Popes, as you know, It
’s the custom, at Rome, new names to bestow, So
they canoniz’d him by the name of Jem Crow!
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