Principled stand of Clare Short
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Every politician, sometime or other, must fight

For something they feel is really right

OK, most of the time it's all spin and half-lies

But now and then fundamental issues arise

 

So Clare reached that pivotal moment one day

She really did feel that the invasion of Iraq, nay

Invasion of anywhere at all was an abuse of power

And so it was now her turn to have her finest hour.

 

She would have to put her Cabinet post on the line

"As issues go this one is far more important, I can't sign

Up to bombing all those poor children to hell.

  It's time to show that I'm a mother as well."

 

It could be said that having a minor Cabinet post

Was - in a mediocre career - Clare's proudest boast.

She was a bit of a dog, and wasn't awfully smart

But at least she was able to play her Old Labour part.

 

It was time to act and so she drank a few glasses

Of wine with her mum - not stout like the working classes

However, not to worry, she was about to go back

To her socialist roots.  It was resignation or the sack.

 

She rang up the BBC one Sunday lunchtime, to

Tell them "I've got one hell of a story for you"

By late afternoon she was on the air, with the remark

"I can't agree with Tony about zapping Iraq.

 

"In my view he's being reckless, in the extreme

In sending our lads to fight, when it would seem

That peace would be a far better solution

Particularly with a second UN resolution.

 

"So I'm threatening to quit, unless I get my way"

"Excuse me, Clare, does that mean that you may,

You have or you will quit your highly-paid post

And the chauffeur-driven car you love most?"

 

Although she'd three times called her leader 'reckless'

And suggested her own Government was feckless

It later transpired that she hadn't actually resigned

Merely talked of going, with no particular date assigned.

 

Supporters of poor Clare were somewhat confused

And her colleagues in the Cabinet not at all amused

"Either you're with us or against us, which is it?"

But Clare didn't seem to be bothered a bit.

 

Was it that our heroine had lost her bottle? Surely not!

This was a fundamental issue, and she'd got

To follow up her fighting talk with action soon

Or show that, after all, she sided with Hoon.

 

Possibly the pathetic creature really thought

That her threat would arouse terrific support

In fact nobody could really care a toss

And even suggested that she'd be no great loss.

 

And so she found that many a former friend

Thought she'd gone completely round the bend

Far from eliciting any significant backing

The feeling was that in backbone she was lacking.

 

As time went on with her saying nothing more

It became clear that Britain was going to war

Now was the time that she'd surely have to go

And the press waited for her to tell them so.

 

'Cabinet Minister Resigns' showed the headlines

As editors put papers to bed before deadlines

So, she'd done what she'd promised at last, just look!

Hang on a minute, instead it's Robin Cook.

 

So where was brave Clare?  Maybe she'd been rash

If she resigned, Christ - she'd lose all that cash!

So, she was going to "reflect overnight"

Her yellow streak finally coming into sight.

 

She was just like Tony Benn, John Prescott et al

They talked a good leftist story, had read Das Kapital

But when push came to shove they knew what to do

"Sod the proletariat, we want a few bob too!"   

 

But come on Clare, don't let us down now!

The bearded wierdo Cook has gone, you too must bow

To popular demand and follow him out of the door

And morale amongst the populace will soar!

 

But what then, poor Clare, what will you do next?

Maybe work in foreign aid, Oxfam one expects

You probably won't save the Third World, I suppose

But at least you'll get staff discount on your clothes!

 

by Kevin Nicholls

 

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Last modified: September 10, 2006